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SBA Cutting 43% of Workforce: Who's Left to Ignore Your Calls?
Just when you thought customer service couldn't get any worse, the Trump administration announced that the SBA is cutting 43% of its workforce - approximately 2,700 positions. That's almost half the...
The SBA Employee Handbook: A Comedy in Three Acts
I got my hands on what I can only assume is a leaked copy of the SBA's internal employee handbook. Okay, fine, I made it up. But based on their actual behavior, this is clearly what it says:
BREAKING: SBA Discovers Fire, Still Can't Process Loans
In a stunning development that has rocked the bureaucratic world, sources confirm that the Small Business Administration has officially discovered fire. The agency, which previously believed the warm...
An Open Letter to the SBA's Hold Music
We need to talk. I've spent more time with you than I have with most of my family members. At this point, you're less of a song and more of a recurring nightmare set to a smooth jazz beat.
SBA Announces New "Hunger Games" Approach to Loan Processing
In a bold move to address their massive application backlog, the Small Business Administration announced today that they will be implementing a "Hunger Games" style approach to loan processing. Under...
I Asked ChatGPT to Run the SBA. It Quit After 10 Minutes.
As an experiment, I asked ChatGPT to simulate running the Small Business Administration for a day. The AI, which is designed to be helpful and literally cannot feel emotions, gave up after reviewing...
The SBA's Org Chart: A Horror Story in Boxes and Lines
I tried to understand the SBA's organizational structure. I have a PhD in systems analysis and 20 years of experience in organizational design. After three weeks of research, I can confirm: the SBA's...
The SBA Hiring Spree: Paying Bureaucrats to Bury Your Appeals
Here's something that should make your blood boil on this fine December morning. While the SBA claims they don't have the resources to process your loan modifications, handle your appeals, or...
Thanksgiving with the SBA: A Recipe for Financial Disaster
Happy Thanksgiving, fellow sufferers. While you're sitting around the table trying to explain to your relatives why your business went under, let me share a recipe that the SBA has been perfecting...
SBA Whistleblowers: The Heroes Nobody's Listening To
You want to know how we know the SBA is corrupt to its core? Because the people who worked there and tried to fix it got destroyed. There are dozens of former SBA employees who tried to blow the...
The 7(a) Loan Program: Same Circus, Different Tent
Everyone's so focused on the EIDL disaster that they're missing the slow-motion trainwreck happening right now with the SBA's flagship lending program. The 7(a) loan program, which is supposed to be...
The SBA's Favorite Lie: "We're Here to Help"
Every SBA press release, every public statement, every congressional testimony starts with the same tired phrase: "We're here to help America's small businesses." It's printed on their website. It's...